Grief is complicated and unique for everyone. While accepting loss becomes easier over time, it is often something we carry with us forever. Grief is always evolving and at times the feelings seem to be out of our control.
Grief and loss can be particularly difficult during the holidays, when your loved one is no longer there to celebrate it with you. Lets explore some ways to help you get through these often trying times:
1} Set Boundaries with Holiday Events
You can participate and not participate in whatever feels right for you. While there may be pressure to attend a holiday party, family gathering, holiday show—remember to check in with your wants and needs to identify your readiness.
It may be helpful to commit to something that sounds fun while reminding yourself that you don’t have to stay the entire time. It is also okay to opt-out of certain things altogether. Finding a balance between engaging and not pushing yourself is important.
2} Tune Into Your Grief Emotions
As mentioned above, grief does not take a back seat during the holidays and can often be magnified. It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and not avoid them.
You may experience both negative and positive feelings during the holidays while grieving and that is OK. Be kind to yourself and remember that all feelings can coexist. For example, I can miss that person and enjoy the holiday at the same time.
It may be tempting to numb out with drugs or alcohol during the holidays. Anticipating the difficult emotions and preparing ahead of time will help prevent negative consequences from occurring.
3} Honor Old Traditions & Honor Memories
It can be helpful to continue with old traditions that existed in order to honor and celebrate the individuals who are no longer here. This is a helpful way to keep their memory present.
4} Create New Traditions
Creating new traditions can be healing for individuals who are grieving. Making new memories does not erase old memories. Remember, your loved one will want you to enjoy the holidays. Acknowledge, validate and then challenge any feelings of guilt that may arise in the process.
5} Identify Grief Coping Skills
Prior to the holiday season beginning, consider creating a list of go-to coping skills to use whether you are at home or at a social function. It will be handy when grief hits you unexpectedly. Some examples of coping skills are deep breathing, taking a walk, journaling, listening to music, practicing yoga, and saying positive affirmations.
The holiday season is not always as joyful as we want it to be. It is normal to feel apprehensive about it and you are not alone in feeling that way. Remember that there is no right or wrong way to approach the holiday season following the loss of a loved one. If you experience happiness, allow it to enter into your grief space and be present with the people around you. Be kind to yourself and try to take it one holiday party and one feeling at a time. Happy Holidays.
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Photo credit: Unsplash – Ann
Your partner in restoring inner peace,
Christine Reid, MSW, LCSW