Dropping The F-Bomb

We live in a world where we are so quick to share every aspect of our life. I could go online at any point in my day and find out what a handful of my friends had for breakfast, what TV show they are currently binging, or what they think about the latest celebrity couple breaking up or getting back together (who can keep track?).  We are so open to sharing every minute detail about our day on social media without being prompted.  So why is it that when someone actually asks how you are doing, we drop an F-bomb on them?  You know, that nasty, four-letter word used so flippantly, and in so many different situations it has completely lost its meaning.  The “F” word, sometimes used as a weapon, but almost always used as a way to avoid the actual subject. Of course, I’m talking about the word “fine”. 

Why is “fine” our go-to response when someone asks how you are doing? Why is “fine” an acceptable answer to receive back?  No, I’m not saying you should always answer this question with 100 percent honesty… read the room. It is not socially appropriate to unload on the grocery store clerk about your marital issues when they robotically ask, “How are you today?” However, when my close friend tells me they are fine, I am offended that they don’t think I care enough about them to hear the real answer.  But what is worse than avoiding my genuine inquisition about your state of mind and being is when we do it to ourselves.  How often are you telling yourself “I’m fine”, “it’s fine”, or “this is fine”? How often do you actually mean it?  

So, the real question is why are we using this word so often?  The answer: because if everything is fine, we don’t have to change anything.  And guess what? Change is hard. By using this word to describe our day, our diet, our sleep schedule, our sex life, we are basically saying it’s not worth putting in the effort to change it. “It’s fine that I am 50 pounds overweight.” “It’s fine that I am a walking zombie for the first 4 hours of my day.”  “It’s fine that I haven’t had sex with my partner in 6 months.”  Because if it’s not “fine” you may have to admit there is a problem that needs to be fixed, and that’s no good because then you might actually have to do something about it. 

Next time you hear yourself dropping an F-bomb, ask yourself a follow-up question: “Is it?”  It is likely that your answer is “no, it’s not actually fine”, and that is the first step to making a change in your life.  Yes, change is hard.  As humans, we don’t want to change.  It is much easier to do the same thing you have been doing for so long.  But repeating the same patterns day in and day out and expecting changes to magically happen is hard too. So, choose which difficult road you want to take.  If you decide it’s time to make a change, choose to start by not accepting things as “fine” anymore.  Let’s see where that road leads. 

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Photo credit: SauLustig from Pixabay

Your partner in restoring inner peace,
~ Tracy Weathers, Supervisee in Social Work