Having trouble opening up due to feeling uncomfortable? In this article, a therapist offers strategies to get comfortable.
Therapy, by nature, is uncomfortable. It is not a comfortable feeling to divulge personal information to a person you barely know. It is even more uncomfortable when you start talking about the difficult things you are experiencing or have experienced in the past. Worse yet, when the talking stops and you feel like you are both just staring at each other in awkward silence. Yes, it is true that therapy is supposed to be uncomfortable… to some degree. Once you acknowledge the initial feelings of discomfort, start asking yourself if you are uncomfortable because of the nature of the therapy or because you truly are uncomfortable.
As a society, we get so stuck on hurting other people’s feelings that we will suck up our own discomfort to make sure others feel ok. However, we need to push that aside when it comes to therapy. Remember, the therapist works for you. If they are doing something that isn’t working for you, tell them. I once had a client tell me they were having trouble opening up to me because I reminded them of their daughter. They waited several sessions to tell me this because they were worried it would hurt my feelings. Of course my feelings were not hurt! The goal of therapy is to improve the lives of our clients, and if we (for whatever reason) are not able to do that, we want to point you in the direction of someone that can. This particular client was referred to someone else, and was able to begin working on their therapeutic goals with someone they were more comfortable opening up with.
If you are feeling ok with the therapist in general, start to address the physical room you are in. Is the chair comfortable? Is the lighting too harsh or too dark? Is it too cold or too warm? Do you need something to do with your hands? Do you get thirsty when you talk and need some water? Your therapist wants to create an environment that is therapeutic for YOU. We try our best to make it a comfortable space for everyone, but guess what? Everyone is different. Tell your therapist if you would be more comfortable with your shoes off, or sitting on the floor, or with the overhead lighting turned off. Assuming you are not asking for something unreasonable, unsafe, or inappropriate, I can almost guarantee they will jump at the chance to make you feel more comfortable in their office.
You have sought out therapy for a reason. In order to get to the bottom of issues you may be experiencing, you need to be comfortable physically so that you can embrace the discomfort you will feel emotionally. If there is something that your therapist is doing (or not doing) that makes you uncomfortable, tell them.
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Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash
Your partner in restoring inner peace,
Tracy Weathers, MSW
Supervisee in Social Work